‘Ain’t’ No $3 Toaster Worth Going to the Hospital Over

The day after Thanksgiving is the perfect opportunity to get up at 3 AM to stand outside of a store for an hour, waiting for the little elves (who had to be there at 11 PM—hence the lack of cordiality) to open the doors.  The clock shows five minutes until the store opens.  You begin to doubt your strategy.  Little Jada to $2 DVD bins because the smaller hands provide for easier access to those DVDs at the bottom while those crazy folks dig up top.  Simone is the only troop member who knows exactly what the Little Bratz doll looks like so she’s got to get that.  She is stationed at the Garden Center because, let’s face it, nobody needs Christmas tree right now, it’s 4:55 AM.  Then, you doubt yourself.

You realize you’re unmanned for the $100 19” TV (No warranties, but at $20 below retail you can’t complain.)  The TV will certainly require more fight, but with the bad hip, you lack the agility to make it all the way to electronics.  Your ah ha moment just two minutes before the elves allow you into Santa’s castle, you remember the lady next to you mentioned she also needs a Little Bratz doll.  You cut a deal.  Simone grabs two Bratz dolls, random lady grabs me a TV and I’ll guard her baby stroller. 

Forty minutes later—the plan is nearly complete.  You find the random lady, ready to make an exchange for the must-have TB and the Bratz doll as agreed.  Uh-oh, random lady realizes on her sprint to electronics, she really came here for the $3 toaster and the TV, but not so much the Bratz doll.  Random lady gave away your TV in exchange for the last of the $3 toasters. And then it happens

The bad achy hip that was a hindrance is now a distant memory overcome by the instinctual desire to attack, assert your dominance, and if nothing else slit her tires on the way out.  Don’t believe me.  Google: Black Friday Shopping Caught on Tape.  That’s my Christmas gift to you.

In short, don’t be crazy.  No threats, no arguments that require an outdoor voice while indoors, and no weapons—including merchandise in close proximity.  Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want your grandma to see. Be careful.